I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
