Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
