your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize