I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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