Cold hands, warm shart.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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