Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize