I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize