Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
