Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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