hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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