dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
