im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
