What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
