Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize