He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
