Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
