Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
