Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
