I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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