There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize