a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
