What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
