How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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