I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She announced her abortion via fbk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
