mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The adults are the big ones right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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