There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
