I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
