Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
