I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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