I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
