its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
