think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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