My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
