Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
