white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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