So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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