are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
