his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
