Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you will always have a special place in my vag
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
