dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
