i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
