Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
