She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
