Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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