Where did you get a picture of my penis
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
