dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize