you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
