Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
