she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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