Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
