remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
