My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize