I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
