At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
