So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
