I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
COCAINE IS GR8
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
