ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
