3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Randomize
