Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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