Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
