Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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