I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
