talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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