i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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