Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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