Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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