??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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