Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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