you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
