did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
