paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
