So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
