party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
