Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
