The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
