She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
