Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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